My new bathtub. Here’s to keeping it soap scum free.
Gimme Some Compassion
Finding your truth has to involve compassion - not least of all towards yourself. Depending on what kind of life you’ve led, you may be needlessly hard on yourself - hung up on insecurities stemming from experiences that shouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, worried about things out of your control, confused about coming to opinions that you don’t recognize as familiar or jiving with your past opinions.
I didn’t exactly have a shitty childhood, but, like many of us, there are scars that haven’t gone away. While it doesn’t matter in the big picture where I am today, being the brainy nerd in grammar school really bruised and bloodied me, so to speak. I wanted to be accepted, and I allowed myself to be used for homework answers as if that would solve my so-called problems. I spent those formative years worrying about what people thought about me, and although I thought I got it all out of my system by the time high school rolled around, isn’t going against the norm and “not caring” what they think a bit of a defense mechanism? “I don’t care what those popular bitches think; I won’t give them a chance to reject me because I don’t want to be accepted!”
It would be easy to be comfortable being who you are if there were no external forces trying to suggest otherwise. I dated a guy because he was interested, and I thought that at eighteen years old, it was time to date someone. For many reasons, that relationship was doomed, and one of the things I learned was that I am not dating material. I thought I was okay with that, until friends, family, acquaintances, and popular magazines deemed that I “hadn’t found the right guy yet” and that “there’s someone out there for everyone”. It took me the entire span of my twenties to contemplate the fact that they are wrong, that not everyone has a “someone”, and that there are people besides me who don’t want anyone. This is a truth I knew, let external forces skew, and rediscovered. And this is just one rambly example.
For over a year now, mainly, I have begun to worry about my impact on the world - environmentally, first, which stemmed into in relation to other living beings. I stopped buying bottled water and using plastic and paper bags. If I happen to forget my bags or my SIGG water bottle, I silently bitch myself out. I stopped eating meat, but have yet to give up dairy. I listen to vegan podcasts that say that dairy supports the exploitation of animals, and I agree, so I again silently bitch myself out.
But the truth is, I am making changes that I feel are right for me. And while I haven’t made all the changes I can or should, my truth, right now, is that doing a little is infinitely better than doing nothing at all. The road is constant, and the journey goes on, and if I eat too many potato chips today, I can always cut them out tomorrow. While I wasted my twenties in credit card debt, I know that I never want to go back there, and I can spend my thirties saving for my future. My truth is that I needed to stew for the first decade of my adult life; I needed to stumble, so that I can put those experiences to use in the next decade and beyond that.
So, truth and compassion. Truth is who you are. Compassion allows you not to hate the lies you may have told yourself or lived in an effort to figure out what your truth is. I will compassionately trek forward and try to accept myself for that. I’ve wasted enough time worrying about the outcome.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-7-5) →
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Even when I know I’m right, I question it. As if it’s not possible that someone is possibly in the wrong, overreacting, seeing things their way, or shoving their head so far up their ass that it would be impossible to shed a little light their way.
Note to self: You are a rational human being. Stop overanalyzing everything and questioning yourself.
also: i just ran two miles. that's two more miles than i've ever run in my entire life, even if you add up all the times i ran from the cops.
Maybe 46 isn’t too old to get my body in shape after all.
Michele, you are making me feel guilty about not getting on my Wii Fit except to weigh in for a month, now.
I tried to run last month and my shins killed. Do you have a secret to running two miles with no pain? Should I start calling you Drago?
Yep. That seems about right..
But where is Captain Kangaroo?
Captain Kirk, anyone? Captain Jack? Savvy?
Palin stepping down this month →
I hope this means we don’t have to see her face anymore, but I am a bit nervous about what this means for 2012.
